~ again and again ~

To be alone,

to be very cold, wrapped in the wind,

to let go of one

who is already gone, drop the hand

I held only in passing. Less than nothing, it was – a temporary

lapse of discretion. Dark night of the soul

we could not sleep through – his

soul, my darkness – jumping from rooftops, throwing

our flightless selves down

into flame, into sawdust, into

rain on metal rooftop – drowns our longing,

too heavy to surface again,

as though it never happened, as though he never

sought the curve of my body, never surrounded me

with his eyes, as though I have not listened

to his heartbeat until I forgot my ear

was separate from his chest, was not always

pressed against that warmth. I don’t stop

thinking of him – I feign

deafness when his silence asks if I

am lonely in the guise of trivial things