~ not for him ~

You are a mystery I seek

and fear – no longer am I “the best thing

that could happen to that boy” –  so much

hunger unanswered while shaking

off my loneliness shroud, shining eyes

into your darkness – the one you carry

with you, reveal yourself from

the core where nothing is visible (or all

is invisible – do they mean the same?) And our

seeing, when it returns, is full of firelight, longing to approach

unobserved. This love I have gathered,

slipping through

my body, ravenous as childhood, always

looking for things nighttime grudges

to give back: dream, sweat,

or lover who crushes me into

pleasure until I cry – no longer

for him